So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
