wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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