OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My sheets look like a crime scene.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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