Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
