well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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