Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
