I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
how do flat chested girls get laid?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
