i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
