You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
