This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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