How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think I sprained my soul last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
