you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
