How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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