five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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