everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
