The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
