Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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