Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Someone came in the potted fern
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
