If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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