What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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