We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
