do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm getting married
To pizza
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
