UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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