I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
how does that bad decision feel?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
