im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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