The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
