she looked like the before picture.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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