She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
time to smoke my breakfast
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
