I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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