I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
