i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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