Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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