Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
