Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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