Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
