I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
