Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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