Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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