I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think i have two assholes
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
