There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
