I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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