My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
