i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
