Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
