i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
