They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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