I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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