I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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