went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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