my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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