I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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