theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's shark week go big or go home
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
