i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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