let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
