it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
