Everything about him screamed your future.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
