when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
