shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
