Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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