i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He passed out mid-signature
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
