His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
