What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
