dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
